


Matters of the Heart

by Lisafer, seori



Category: Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce, The Immortals - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Collaboration, Epistolary, F/F, F/M, Forum: Goldenlake, Love Triangle, POV Alternating, SMACKDOWN 2011, team protector
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisafer/pseuds/Lisafer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seori/pseuds/seori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alan of Pirate's Swoop and Maura of Dunlath exchange letters during the Scanran War, sharing confidences and worries - including Alan's worries that Maura's heart has gone to someone else. </p><p>Written for the 2011 Goldenlake SMACKDOWN, for Team Protector (Maura/Kel).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My dear friend, 

I know it’s been far too long since last I wrote to you, but I find that my knight-master keeps me far too busy to maintain correspondence. Thank the gods I see my mother on occasion, when we’re involved in the Scanran skirmishes along the border. My family would think I cease to exist, given how seldom I communicate with them.

I wish I could say this were an idle note to tell you how much I miss you (which is true) and how I long to be in Dunlath again (also a fact), and that I wish all were pleasant in your home – but I suspect that is already the case. Rumors have flitted around among the border knights… rumors that have left me feeling a little depressed, were I to be completely honest (as I know you like me to be). So I feel I should ask outright: is there reason for me to wish to return to Dunlath, or has my place been filled by another of Sir Raoul’s squires? I know Lady Knight Keladry was stationed near Dunlath only two months back, but I also know how quickly you come to the realization that you’re in love.

If these rumors are false, please forgive my doubt. If they’re true, please confirm them. I’d rather pine for you knowing it can never be than return to you and find out I was mistaken all this time.

Yours, as ever,  
Alan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura evades Alan's question.

Alan,

Another month, and I might have been in danger of forgetting who you were. I _should_ tell you to write to Pirate's Swoop at once, but I will be selfish, and admit that I am glad that you wrote to me instead.

Lady Knight Keladry has been a breath of fresh air around these parts - you know how quickly we grow stale, so far from the capital. Having met your mother, will you blame me for having been curious about Keladry?

I am surprised you listen to rumours in the camp, surely made by idle minds. Perhaps you should take up cards.

Affectionately,  
Maura.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan worries that Maura has forgotten him in favor of someone else.

Maura,

I’m utterly heart-broken that you could ever forget who I am. Do our jaunts through the orchard mean nothing to you? Or my amazing ability to keep Douglass on his toes? Obviously I must keep writing to you and let all of Pirate’s Swoop be hanged. Not that my family’s in the Swoop. Mother’s on the border, Da’s in Port Caynn on business, Aly’s… well, we shouldn’t talk too much about what she’s been up to, so I hear. And Thom is at the Royal University, trying to convince battle mages to look to other pursuits. It’s appalling, really. Mother would be so disappointed, were he not her favorite child.

I’m pleased to hear that Lady Knight Keladry has been a breath of fresh air in your presence. Fresh implies “new and different”, and not “wonderful in its own right in comparison to all the air I’ve breathed before”, and I think I can handle that. Perhaps. Having met my mother, though, I’m surprised you would bother to meet any other knights – let alone knights who are ladies. Luckily we do not all have such sharp tongues and stubborn ways. 

As for my penchant for rumors and your suggestion that I take up cards… rumor has it I’m a very poor card player. But then, I played against Da and Aly, who probably used their Sights to cheat.

Missing you tremendously,  
Alan


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura chides Alan for a late letter.

Alan - or is it Allan? I'm sure it's one of the two...

Your words are eloquent, to be sure, but the two months it took for them to reach me was not. I will not be surprised if my messenger returns to me with my letter, finding your camp has moved.

Perhaps you have not seen a mirror in all your time up north - or perhaps those Scanrans are turning your heads, if you thought the Lady Knight Keladry a ready-made replacement for yourself. She is rather bigger than you, I think, although it might seem that way because her form is rather fresher in my mind.

I confess that she does amuse me - though perhaps I had better write no more on that, in the event of my letter falling into the wrong hands. I know what your camp rumours are like…

Persistently but impatiently yours,  
Maura


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’ll always be second-best.

Maura –

It took me forever to find a courier who was heading toward the City of the Gods – and I had to offer extra incentives to get him to go a little out of his way. (Shouldn’t have been that hard – he didn’t really want to be in “skirmish land”, as I’ve begun to call this region of the northern border.) I confess that I forgot about it after it was sent – we had a mighty ruckus six weeks back, and Raoul was injured. Not badly – I had to stitch him up in a pinch, because our healers were seeing to those who were worse off. 

Alas, I’m always to be inferior to others – I cannot be the mage my brother is, nor the knight my mother is, nor the – well, we won’t get into what Aly’s doing these days. And my knight-master informs me that your new protector-of-choice was better with stitches than I shall ever be. It was difficult not to sulk a bit, though he also reminded me that Lady Knight Keladry doesn’t sulk or pout.

I feel as though there are three giants in my life – and while I can’t do anything about living in Mother’s shadow or forever being relegated to Raoul’s squire, I feel that there is something I could do to win you away from your lady knight. If I could get to Dunlath. Who must one sleep with to get the good assignments around here?

Frustrated and yours,  
Alan


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura teases Alan about the impression she has made on him.

Squire Alan,

What does one have to do to be considered a giant in your life? Iakoju will be most disappointed that height doesn't appear to come into it, and Lord Theodore can tell there is no accounting for greatness of presence. When you come to Dunlath at last, you shall find us a saddened bunch for having made no great impression on you.

Unless the lady knight is also here, of course, for clearly she has made a great impression on you. I am torn between demanding her secret, and ordering her off my fief. But then, of course, I would not be a good hostess – and I would be left with a queer assortment of battle sparrows, should they not choose to follow her.

Not giant in stature,  
Maura


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan has to smooth over his error.

Lady Maura,

Don’t be angry with me! I was implying that I live in the shadows of the giants in my life. When I’m in your presence, I feel more like a person who is thriving in the sunlight. It’s not a matter of you or those you love at Dunlath never making an impression on me – far from it, in fact, for I think you’ve made a greater impression on me than your flirtatious head realizes. And how could I not be impressed by Iakoju’s great stature and calm demeanor, or Lord Theodore’s cool, quiet wisdom? (I’d rather not speak of the impressions Sir Douglass has made on me, given that his glowering expressions would have chilled me to the bone, were I not raised by the Lioness herself.)

However, if the secret of the lady knight’s great impression is not told, I have no advice to offer about whether ordering her off your land would make you a bad hostess. I never did take to my deportment classes. Battle sparrows can be dealt with easily, when you have wolves with snapping jaws. Just a suggestion.

Your humble servant,  
Alan


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura tells Alan of her travels.

Alan,

After my scolding you for a late reply previously, I am sure this letter will meet with a reprimand - that, or perhaps you thought there was something amiss at Dunlath. We are all fine, but (are you sitting down?) I left the fief for a full month. Douglass was in charge of all but my very personal affairs (which is why your letter has gone unanswered, though I am certain not unread).

Will you be cross if I tell you what entreated me to leave Dunlath? My aunt requested my presence. I am sure you remember how she persists in taking an eager interest in my affairs. My escort, as you probably suspect, was the lady knight. You mustn't think she is _always_ on hand for me, but she does seem to be close by when I would have need of her. Perhaps you will have more freedom of movement when you are knighted.

I can't say I envy you if half the stories she told me about the north, or, indeed, travelling with Lord Raoul are true. I will say that you should press on your excellent knightmaster for a brief break, perhaps around Midwinter? Surely the snow will bury all willing skirmishers.

With a thousand apologies,  
Maura


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan entreats Maura to stay away from Dunlath.

Maura,

Any letter you send - even an abysmally late one - is received with a joyful and light heart. Yes, the lag between sending my letter and receiving yours was a painful period, but reading your words this afternoon completely altered my day.

I would have preferred that you stayed in Corus, truth be told, rather than coming back to Dunlath. This war has shifted since the end of the killing devices (which, if rumor serves me well, is thanks to your new knight protector) - raiding soldiers are the biggest threats, traveling in groups of thirty rather than armies of hundreds. Added to that is the constant threat of immortals that reside in the northern forests and mountains. I fear that the onslaught will move eastward, now that the coastal regions are completely secured. Among those lands I worry for are your own. 

Dunlath... Dunlath of course will survive. What is land to do but thrive? Should war come to your fief's borders, though, life for its people and creatures will never be the same. Hundreds of wounded, burnt out buildings - perhaps even the beloved orchard ruined, chopped down for Scanran campfires, or burned out of spite. Should this happen to your home, I would not want you there to see it. 

Uncle Raoul has peered over my shoulder and is scoffing at me, insisting that such things will never come to be. He also says "send my best to my favorite squire", with a cheeky grin on his face. I would put a toad in his bedroll, but I'm too tired these days for such page-ly antics.

I dream of coming home. Sleeping in a warm bed, tasting fresh water. Maybe even seeing your sweet face, so long as your sweet gazes haven't turned forever toward another. Is she your favorite squire, too?

With affection,  
Alan


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura informs Alan of a lady's duties to her fief.

Alan,

Your letter suggests to me that you have forgotten Dunlath does not need to rely solely on its human inhabitants for safety. I appreciate your warning that war may be coming my way, but rest assured that I do anticipate it, and have taken measures to protect both myself and my fief.

In light of the urgency of your words, however, I have written to Keladry to beg her protection for a few short weeks. I understand she has not gone far, and previously she has been working with my men on various scouting routines. I am sure you will appreciate the measures I have taken as a direct result of your letter.

It has also persuaded me not to leave Dunlath for any purpose till the war is at an end. A lady does not abandon her fief, squire.

Maura.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan addresses his selfishness.

Dearest Maura,

I apologize if my last letter came off as… condescending. It’s not that I think you shouldn’t be with your fief if war should come to your borders, nor that I doubt the abilities of your soldiers and every creature in the valley. In many ways I think Dunlath is more prepared for war than most of the fiefs in the northern part of Tortall. It’s just my selfishness, I suppose, that makes me hope and pray that nothing you love is touched by this war – at least, no more than necessary.

On a similar vein (regarding my selfishness), I’m delighted that Keladry has been asked to return to your lands. According to my knight-master, that order was decreed not too long ago, upon your request. Our district commander seems to have a soft spot for both you and the lady knight, so your wishes were answered rather promptly. Selfishly, I’m pleased that she could be spared from our border to protect yours. Selfishly, I wish she’d been needed elsewhere so another knight would have been sent to your side. Preferably with a squire in tow.

My life is dreary; I’m kept busy with the cleaning of armor and the maintenance of weapons. Oh, and random battles with Scanran ruffians, of course. At night I dream – usually idyllic, pleasant dreams. You have been in some of them, I’ll admit. I like having something to look forward to when I sleep, and when this war ends.

Drearily and wearily yours,  
Alan.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura writes of pleasanter times.

Alan,

I write this letter from our orchard, by that tree we always seem to sit under when you visit. The sunshine is delightfully warm, and everything feels just as it should.

Actually, it's a damp day in a series of damp days, and planting is keeping me chained to my desk, but I wanted to share our pleasanter times with you, even through letters. Keladry is not yet so dear to me as you, though I confess I think she is a great deal more useful when it comes to fief management. She has promised to teach me some of her glaive routines, despite the hint of scepticism I fancy I caught when I asked her about it. She is a great deal too polite to tell me if she thinks I am hopeless at it, however, and so I shall amuse myself with it for as long as her patience lasts. It may be a useful skill, after all.

I appreciate your hope that nothing I care for is touched by the war, and consequently counsel you to keep yourself as safe as is possible.

Maura


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan talks to Maura of fief management, and Kel’s help compared to his.

Maura,

Ah, how I miss our sunny days under the apple tree! It makes me recall the last harvest we spent together, and how autumn always brings such a delightful feel to the world – it makes me wish for hot apple cider and the smell of burning leaves. It also makes me long for home as much as I long for time to spend with you. I’m hoping that planting has not been difficult, with so many men called to the army patrols. Not that I don’t think the women of Dunlath can’t manage on their own, mind you. I’ve always found them quite capable – especially when it comes to managing land.

I’m crushed that you considered me of no help to you when it comes to fief management. Or that you consider Keladry more helpful. I’ve been told (in the form of a reprimand from my knight-master) that her mathematical skills are a touch better than mine, but most of my assistance was in keeping life light-hearted and whimsical – to ease all burdens the lady of the house might have. Which I think is ultimately more important.

Please be sure to tell me all about your glaive lessons. I would love to know what it’s like to spar with a woman like her. Of course, I’d prefer swords – but I might have an unfair advantage, having been taught by my mother. 

I hope this letter sees you in the best of health and spirits.

Alan.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura skirts around the issue of her glaive lessons.

Darling boy,

You are quite right to say that you play your part at Dunlath equally well as Kel plays hers. Every court must have its jester, after all.

I confess that I do not quite feel like sharing _all_ about my glaive lessons, particularly after Douglass laughing himself fit to burst over them. Suffice to say that the experiment has concluded for the moment, though Kel has offered to start anew any time I wish. Her eyes crinkled up as she said it, and I feel as though she does not expect me to take her up on it. I am not yet sure whether this makes me more determined to succeed, or relieved that I may sweep the whole thing under the rug, as it were.

The nights are drawing in here, though I wager they come all the sooner where you are. Is it getting very cold?

Maura.


	15. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Chapter: Kel gives Maura a glaive lesson

"No, you should be standing like this," Kel instructed, demonstrating, and then, when Maura's balance was still not quite right, she moved to shift Maura's feet into place.

"Perhaps that will keep me from falling over a second time," Maura said wryly, glancing down at her new stance.

Kel grinned, and moved to correct Maura's grip on the glaive. "Your index finger should look like this," she said, indicating. "Are you ready to try another move?"

They went through a simple routine slowly, and whilst Maura was not exactly bad, she was certainly not _good_.

Finally, Maura set her glaive down by the side, and turned to face Kel. "You know, there are _other_ things we could do in a room where no one will disturb us."

Kel smiled.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan considers Kel’s glaive lessons.

Dearest Maura,

Your casual jests strike me to the core! While I certainly live to amuse you, it’s not intended to be like a queen and her jester. You know that while I’m more than accustomed to being mocked and ridiculed by others (Thom, Aly, Raoul) I find sanctuary in the fact that you don’t think me a fool. But perhaps I’ve been wrong all this time.

I confess that when you said you hesitated to share everything about your glaive lessons with Lady Knight Keladry, my mind drifted to places that both intrigued me and made me quake with fear. Forgive me for being so forward as to mention it. Knowing that Douglass laughed to watch was a relief and a comfort, as I think – no, I know – that there are certain things a person can practice with you that does _not_ lead to laughter from him. 

The nights are cold, and I’m finding that war – even the aftershocks of a war that is drawing to its eventual close – is a lonely place for a fellow. Who thought one could feel so abandoned when surrounded by comrades-in-arms? This war is making me drearily philosophical. 

Missing you and yours,  
Alan


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura gets cross.

Squire,

Evidently I was not clear before, but when I said that I had asked Keladry to teach me how to wield a glaive, I meant that I had asked Keladry to _teach me how to wield a glaive_. I will note, however, that there are obviously certain areas that you think I could improve upon. Please don't think that your words will go unheeded; I will ensure that I practise.

 

Keladry and Douglass have spent the day bonding over their mutual sufferings at the hands of Raoul. Do warn him; I fear there may be some form of mischief coming his way if Douglass puts his mind to it.

Maura.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan gets cross, too.

Maura – 

You can pretend to be angry with me all you’d like, twisting my words into something worse than they mean; you know I don’t think you need any improvement in the arts of romance. And you can pretend to be innocent of all the suggestions that you place between your words – it’s not like I don’t have a handful of letters full of double entendres and plays on words from before Keladry entered your life, when you didn’t need to be coy and clever with me to keep my on my stupidly jealous toes!

And of course you can trust my confidence in not telling uncle of your friends’ scheming and plotting. If I can’t get the better of him, I’m happy to hope that his favorite squire manage it. She seems to be practically perfect in all ways, after all.

Suspect there’ll be a raid tomorrow. If this is the last you hear from me, I apologize for my rudeness. You know you’re my everything.

Alan.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura worries for Alan.

Alan,

First you read into my words something that isn't there, and then you read out of my words something that is. _Then_ you remind me what a stupid position you are in on the border, and really, what is a girl to do? How can I persist in being cross with you? (and you are wrong about my "pretending" to be angry)

I fear Kel grows restless, stationed at one point doing not very much, when there is so much else to be done nearby. I will have to let her go soon, but I cannot make myself quite yet. It is a smallness in me, I suppose, but I cannot quite reconcile to two of my favourites going to the same cause. There, you see, it is a smallness about me that I cannot confess to her, for I know she will think less of me. Equally, it is a burden I may confide in you, for I know there is little that will make you think less of me.

Yours in the small and big ways (and do hurry with this response, so I can rest easy about this raid you suspected!),  
Maura.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raoul is forced to intervene in the correspondence.

Lady Maura - 

You’ll have to excuse the very late reply, as well as the sloppy handwriting. I wrote to the Swoop to explain why his letters were long in coming, but it wasn’t until he regained consciousness and was well enough to fret that he pointed out that he’s been maintaining a regular correspondence with you. You see, several weeks back there were a succession of four raids over the span of three days – rather a surprising shift of tactics, since we thought the Scanran military infrastructure was crumbling – and Alan took some severe blows in the process. He was concussed and unconscious, and his arm was broken in two places. After that, an infection set in, and… well, he hasn’t been at his best lately, to say the least. Combat has slowed down, and the healers have been fresh for a while, but he’s still regaining his strength and can’t yet quite master his ability to write. He’s narrating this letter to me, though I’m taking the liberty to write whatever I want. The perks of being in charge, you know.

Currently we’re working on left-handed swordplay. Coincidentally, this is something his mother had to do when she was in training – I’m hoping it will pay off similarly. (Though he’s pulling a face at the notion of being compared to her. You know how he is.)

He tells me that Kel is feeling restless at Dunlath and wants to join the fight. (He also tells me that he wasn’t supposed to share that information. Whoops!) Let me remind you that if Kel needs to leave, she will do so, but she won’t leave Dunlath unprotected, if that’s what her higher-ups feel is necessary. Talk to her, Maura. You know she’s a reasonable person – if you want her to stay, she’ll need to know why. There’s nothing a little communication won’t hurt.

Speaking of, I think I must end this letter soon. There’s a message from the king that needs to be read – and as much as I want to put it off, I have to taste my own medicine every once in a while. Send Kel my best, and reprimand Douglass for me. I’m sure he’s done _something_ worth a tongue-lashing.

\- Raoul


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura replies to Raoul.

Lord Raoul,

My thanks for troubling yourself to write to me! Your squire's previous letter was full of foreboding, and I confess I was in the middle of writing a follow-up when your last arrived. I suppose it is a relief that Alan was almost back to one piece before you wrote; sometimes it is hard to be unable to help your friends!

I did speak to Kel about my suspicions of her restlessness, as you suggested. We have agreed that she should stay another month or until she is satisfied my men - the ones who haven't taken up your cause at the border - are able to protect the fief.

Be assured that I followed your advice through to the end and scolded Douglass in the anticipation of wrongdoing accordingly, but he then insisted on providing us with stories of your youth. It seems my Knight Protector has a very active imagination, for I am certain you would never have hidden anybody's clothes before a ball, nor transported the contents of a pond to your prince's bedroom. Keladry is less certain, I might add.

All the best to you and Lady Buri,  
Maura.

\--

Alan,

You're a fool. Heal quickly, or I shall be very cross with you.

Maura.

P.S. I made you a blanket, for the cold. I do not think you deserve it anymore, but I enclosed it regardless.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan slowly recovers, and reveals his love of trashy romance novels.

Dear Maura,

I’ve managed to begin writing – my arm is not in so much pain that I can’t hold anything in my hand, after all. But it’s tiring and does begin to ache after too long. So I will do my best, for you.

Your blanket is a heavenly. Each night I bundle up and recall your words: “You’re a fool. Heal quickly or I shall be very cross with you.” And I do my best. I’ve been working up my strength again, and my dizzy spells are nearly gone. Raoul is gentle with me, though he’s still working me hard enough that I’m becoming quite accustomed to fighting left-handed. Ma would be proud!

We’ve been checking in on Kel’s refugees regularly. Her headwoman is quite the spitfire, but she has kindly lent me a book that she managed to save. I think you would love it – _Pirate’s Plunder_ is the title. There was a fantastic sea battle in the opening scene, and it reminded me of our old conversations about your desire to travel. Does the lady knight tell you tales of her travels to the Yamani Islands? I might go the Copper Isles soon, but I’m not supposed to mention it.

Missing you,  
Alan


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura muses about home.

Alan,

If you are not supposed to mention something, I would certainly not write of it. You know I have my ways of sourcing information if necessary. I am writing this letter immediately, nonetheless, in the hope that you may not have left quite yet.

I am glad you liked the blanket I sent. It wound up being messier than I'd intended, but neither Kel nor Douglass know much of women's arts, and so I'm afraid I was praised more than I deserved.

You are rotten to speak to me of far off places. Kel does it in such a fond way; it is odd to think that a place I can barely picture was home to her once. It feels a little odd to think one may have more than one place feel like home, to tell the truth. Having known nowhere other than Dunlath, I cannot imagine calling a foreign city home, or the palace in Corus, attractive as it may be.

Maura.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan writes about being from two worlds.

Maura,

There’s something about you that makes it easy to bare my soul. And sometimes – when it’s talk of my family – I admit that there’s a glimmer of hope that you might one day be included in that group. Forgive my forwardness (and my inability to keep secrets from you). No matter, it’s no surprise that my sister is in the Copper Isles – and my visit there will be to see her. At least, that’s Da’s plan. No telling on how long I’m needed here in Skirmish Land.

I think it would be quite strange to be a product of two different lands, like Keladry is. And like Aly is becoming, so I hear. (Da speaks wonders of her since he last visited her. Of course, she’s his favorite, so of course he’ll speak wonders.) Keladry is so very Yamani in some of her ways – I think I could learn from her, seeing as how quick I am to yell or sulk. I am a product of Pirate’s Swoop and Olau. Which means I long for adventure as well as a nice place to sit and read or think. Maybe my adventures will bring me to Dunlath, on occasion, should you need a third knight’s presence. 

Beginning tentative sword-play with my dominant arm again. Gods, but I love healers.

Alan.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kel arranges to leave Dunlath.

Alan,

Kel is leaving me. Stupidly, I feel a little bereft, as though she has gone already, but she won't leave till the morning. She has offered to let me join her morning glaive routine, but I think I would like her to remember me with a little dignity. If I had my way, I would keep the two of you at Dunlath for my amusement, but it doesn't quite work even in my dreams.

So, you see, I have only one knight present, despite my attempts to surround myself with them. Any wandering knight would always be welcome, and there would always be room for you at Dunlath even if I had one hundred knights.

I hope your arm is improving.

Maura.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan finds empathy.

Maura,

All this time I've been thinking of Keladry as some sort of opponent, imagining your lips curving into a delicate smile each time you write her name - your cheeks flushing pink the way they did the first time we kissed. I feel like I should be relieved that she's no longer with you - that I should no longer worry that she's my rival for your affection. 

But then I hear your sadness and I wish she could stay with you as long as you liked. I would rather read light-hearted and happy letters from you and risk losing everything I care about than read your unhappiness in every word.

Kel is to arrive at the fort soon; I'll be sure to send her your best, and let her know she is as missed as you are by me.

Alan.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura is missing Kel.

Alan,

Do not worry about me; I am sure I will recover from my disappointment at Kel's departure soon enough. We women are inconstant creatures, after all, and it should not take long to distract me.

I do not know whether it is good or bad news that you will both be protecting the same area; I fear I shall be kept awake with thoughts of imagined skirmishes.

I have not the time to write two letters. Will you let Kel know that the stablecat gave birth? Six new kittens for Dunlath; the mice will be quaking in their boots.

Maura.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan writes about life with Kel.

Dearest Maura,

To remind me that women are inconstant creatures and that you could have your head turned by the next person to potentially cross your path is either very disconcerting, or makes me proud that I’ve kept your attention thus far. Please remind me to return to Dunlath and never leave your side.

I’ve given your news to Kel, and she’s quite happy to hear it. She also wishes me to send you her best, and let Douglass know that she’s doing what she can to keep Raoul on his toes. Frankly, I thought I was managing that quite fine on my own.

The downside of having her here (other than your loneliness) is that now my lord knight-master has someone new for me to tilt against on the dull days. Tilting against her is no better than tilting against him. Sure, her hits aren’t quite as hard, but I tend to go flying, just the same.

Achingly yours,  
Alan.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura has found a replacement.

Alan,

My head has been turned, I am afraid. I am no longer plagued by thoughts of you, or of my favourite lady knight (I hope your mother won't mind if I prefer Kel just a little). The truth is, a new man has entered my life.

He is the most beautiful kitten I ever did see, and so very affectionate. I've named him Patches, and he has my heart.

I have heard that Kel is a remarkable jouster - Lord Wyldon praises her, and I'm sure you can imagine what a rarity that is. All this flying must be character-building, anyway. Probably. At least you are learning from two of the best.

Douglass instructs me to write how pleased he is that Kel is taking up his mantle.

Maura


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan addresses his newest rival.

Maura,

I would challenge this knave of a kitten who has captured your heart, but I’m afraid I’m no match for his claws or bite. I will maintain my practice against hurrocks and spidrens, so I can best learn how to hold my own against these beasts with natural weapons. I’m afraid that there’s nothing I can fight that might meet your new love’s natural charm. Tried sparring with Jump, but to no avail. He’s ruthless, and doesn’t have a kitten’s cuddliness.

Kel _is_ a remarkable jouster. My bottom is sore just thinking about it. I’m not surprised to hear that Lord Wyldon speaks highly of her ability, for I have seen what no person would’ve ever suspected. Our noble and bald district commander was here a week past, sharing recently gathered intelligence, and he and Kel titled “for a lark”. (the thought makes me shudder.) After doing so, he suggested she joust against Uncle Raoul. Neither were thrown from the saddle, of course, but Lord Wyldon said that had it been a tournament, he would’ve given the win to Kel. I’m awestruck. And you know that I’m rarely _that_ impressed.

Since then I’ve been sure to rub the salt into uncle’s wounds. Perhaps it will make Douglass like me more?

All the best,  
Alan.

P.S. please scratch your new suitor under the chin for me.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura is impressed with Kel.

Alan,

I am pleased the company I keep (or would keep, were I not holed up in my fief, and if she were not at the border) impresses you. Perhaps you should enquire after Kel's glaive routines, and see if you can find what induced me to plead for lessons. She is surprisingly graceful - though perhaps, as the Giantkiller's squire, you are not so surprised.

I mentioned your mocking Lord Raoul to Douglass, but he simply commented that he was glad it sounds like Kel is a gracious winner. I think it has something to do with the number of times she bested him in a swordfight here, despite it not being her strong suit.

Maura.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan talks about Kel and Douglass.

Maura – 

I’m a little confused as to how Kel’s gracefulness would or would not surprise me in relationship to either her or I being the Giantkiller’s squire. Granted, Raoul isn’t as awkward on the battle field as he is in the ballroom, and I know I’m nearly as graceful with a sword as my esteemed mother – but I think this is a part of the martial arts, not something specific to the three of us.

Hearing that Kel had bested Douglass in swordfights made me wonder how I’d hold my own against her. I know she has, on occasion, fought against Ma as well. So she and I had our own match yesterday evening. I got the better of her, but only because I’m so light on my feet. Uncle Raoul has taken to calling me “Twinkle Toes” again; it was one he’d given me at a Midwinter ball as a child, when he caught me dancing with Princess Lianne in the hallway. 

Speaking of… Midsummer is coming up on us soon. The holidays are dreary on the border – no sweethearts to lavish attention on, no festivities. Beltane was bad enough; Midsummer will be awful. Do you have any particular holiday wishes? Mine is for Aly. News from the Copper Isles isn’t good, and I’m hoping she’s holding her own and keeping safe. Knowing Aly, she’s at the center of the mess. (But don’t tell her – or anyone – that I said that!)

Alan.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura questions Alan about Kel.

Twinkle Toes,

Please thank Lord Raoul for the excellent nickname. I believe it suits you well.

When I commented on gracefulness, I meant simply that one who is not a fighter might find it surprising that someone as tall and wide as Lord Raoul is able to move so gracefully. Douglass adds that it is especially hard to move gracefully when accompanied by curtains, so you should not expect him to be graceful in a ballroom at all. Douglass is also practising his swordfighting for when you visit again.

Whenever you write of Kel, I seem to hear of you fighting with her - jousting, swordfighting. Will you wrestle or box next, or will I hear that you compared sewing skills, and bonded over a shared fondness for apples? She has a few other interests besides fighting, you know.

Midsummer does seem to have come around too fast. I never share my Midsummer wishes with anybody, Alan, though I pray the gods hear your wish for your sister's safety.

Maura.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan continues to see Kel as a rival.

Maura,

You calling me “Twinkle Toes” bothers me little – especially if I should ever get the chance to dance with you. I know some knights (Kel, Raoul, Ma) give the impression that dancing is frivolous and unnecessary, but I find I rather like it. And I suspect you might not tromp all over my toes, the way Lia used to.

Per your suggestion, I challenged Kel to wrestling, but she simply raised her eyebrows and coolly refused. It’s probably for the better – I suspect she might be stronger than me. While we could while away the hours talking about our favorite peaceful pastimes, it’s more important to hone our skills. How else can we protect the border if we’re enjoying the idleness of apple cider and romantic novels? 

I did happen to overhear a conversation with Raoul about how she misses Dunlath. And you, I assume. I know I had trouble leaving you after two weeks’ stay; if I’d been stationed there for months, I don’t think I’d ever want to leave you.

I hope your Midsummer wishes came true,  
Alan


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura teases Alan about the competition.

Alan,

I shall never again refer to you as "Twinkle Toes" if it bothers you. I assure you that I am most light-footed when I have a care to be, and my dancing instructor would be most upset to hear you merely suspect I wouldn't step on your toes.

Next time, dearest squire, I shall ensure I underline anything which I do not truly mean - for I certainly did not mean you to challenge Kel to a wrestling match! Challenge her to archery, if you must insist on honing your war skills.

Perhaps you could tell her that Dunlath misses her as much as she misses us? Or - no, I have time enough to write to her myself. I wouldn't want you to challenge her to see who Dunlath misses more.

Maura.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan’s inferiority complex continues, now brought on by Daine.

Maura,

I have seen the best dancing instructor in the land fail to teach my cousin how to not tromp on toes, so forgive me for merely suspecting that you wouldn’t do the same. I’m not much of a wagering man, but I’d put my inheritance on the line if I were betting that you were a better dancer than Princess Lianne. Whether that’s faith in you or a very harsh, critical opinion of her is yet to be determined.

Funny that you should mention challenging Kel to archery, for we had a little match just the other night, while your letter was en route. It wasn’t much fun, as neither of us won. The Wildmage was visiting, and she made us look altogether horrid. We nursed our wounded pride together (though not in the classic way of most soldiers, as neither of us drink much), and actually found ourselves bonding over our squirely doom with Uncle Raoul. She has amusing stories, I can at least admit. 

Challenging her to see who Dunlath misses more is low on my list of priorities; I worry that would hate to hear the details of exactly why she is missed, and if she feels the way I do, she would squirm to hear mine. 

Raoul asks that Douglass take care to send the news to Grandda. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I hope Douglass does.

Alan.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Douglass intervenes.

My dear Lord Sir Raoul, the most important person I have the pleasure of knowing save for those related to the imperious Duke Gareth,

You might consider not passing messages through Maura's lovesick pup. There are more sensible couriers to be found, such as squirrels, or perhaps mice.

Anyway, my charge bade me write because I am a charming and often overlooked correspondent. She is also languishing in bed with a touch of fever, and I have had to remind her more than once that writing is not synonymous with resting. I suspect her intentions were that I write to your squire (mostly because that is what her instructions were), but she also wants me to be nice, and I cannot do both.

I hear that you are collecting former squires up north in your ballroom-free zone. May I take this opportunity to register my disappointment at having been left out of the list? I realise we were not knight and squire very long, but you should not feel ashamed at having been unable to measure up to my expectations. Overcompensating with an excess of height was not the way to remedy this.

I would appreciate a bit of your wisdom, had you any to impart. My darling Maura, who is far too good for any man or woman, let alone one sullied through association with you, appears to be rather taken with both the lady knight and your current squire. The boy, I can handle. He is no match for me, and shows excellent judgement in being fully aware of it.

Keladry is a different kettle of fish. I have not the slightest idea how to handle her, and though I did my best to befriend her and therefore cut down on the amount of time she would spend alone with Maura (it pained me to lose to her at sword-fighting, so she would be convinced that my pride would demand a rematch or seven), I suspect it has not worked as well as I would like it.

So, my dear Lord Sir Raoul, favourite of all my Raouls, ruler of the most golden of golden lakes, I ask you one small favour. Be a good knightmaster, and a good former knightmaster, and take your miscreants in hand.

Ever your favourite (though I think Buri is beginning to suspect),  
Douglass


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raoul steps in.

Douglass –

There are several things you fail to understand about my squire.

1\. He’s incredibly incompetent. He doesn’t understand encrypted messages, and won’t suspect if I send them to you through him.  
2\. He’s a persistent little fellow, and menacing, glowering looks from you aren’t going to set him off. Especially considering that he’s almost as handy with a sword as his mother,  
3\. He’s smitten with Maura, and nothing I say will change his mind. (Did I mention who his mother is?)

Leave the love-making to the young women and men. We should stick to our own games.

I’m happy to see that Kel throws you off guard. She’s rather amazing in that she takes everything without even a blink of the eye. You can’t let your guard down with that one, or the next thing you know you’ll be in bed with an angry K’miri woman. (preferably not mine.)

Send Lady Maura my best.

\- Raoul

P.S. you seem tense. Perhaps you should come out to the border and relax in combat, and leave Maura’s love life – be it with Kel or Alan – to Lord Theodore to manage. He _is_ a competent bear.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan brings news he’s waited forever to hear.

Maura,

Uncle Raoul tells me that you’ve been incredibly sick, and that I shouldn’t pester you with letters about how much I miss and adore you and “nonsense for sweethearts”. He did, however, tell me that there’s nothing to worry about. So I won’t go on about all that I usually do, and I’ll make this a quick note.

We’ve been relieved. That is, to say, Raoul and I taking the company to a fort nearer to the City of the Gods. My first thought upon the news was that our letters will reach each other much more quickly. But uncle says he wants to stop in at Dunlath – something about teaching his first squire a lesson in etiquette. Kel is to remain here, in charge of the transition from war-time fort to peacetime border patrol outpost, now that the peace treaty negotiations have progressed into something potentially long-lasting. This means she will be here for another several months. On the bright side, with only a few skirmishes with renegade clans of Scanrans, there’s little threat and no need for you to have knights traipsing around Dunlath.

Unless you want us there – be it to teach Douglass manners or stroll through the orchard, I mean.

Yours,  
Alan.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maura looks forward to Alan's visit.

Alan,

Nothing would please me more than to have you come to Dunlath. I hope you aren't concerned for my health; I promise that I have fully recovered.

I confess that I am sad to hear that you have left Kel behind at the border, but I suppose I would indeed be asking too much to have you _both_ here at once. It is not so very long ago that she spent months here, also, and the people at the border have had such a terrible time that really, they deserve her more than I do.

Douglass may not greet your arrival with the same enthusiasm as me - though that will hardly shock you. He seems perturbed by the thought of Raoul coming to scold him, though strangely pleased that Kel is not accompanying you. Perhaps that means he is warming to you?

I have prattled on long enough, and I am not even sure my messenger will catch you on the road!

Looking forward to seeing you,  
Maura


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Together at last.

Maura,

It seems strange to write to you when I’m sitting in your orchard and you’re less than three feet away from me, but I have a lot to say and I don’t want to wake you. Did you know that you sometimes make kittenish noises when you sleep? And you wrinkle your nose whenever a cool wind blows? 

Harvest time is beautiful at Dunlath – every fief has its own sacred wonder, doesn’t it? But I know that the love I have of this particular land is multiplied by my feelings for you. How odd, that I can write that down on a paper that you might keep forever, but I can’t say it to you. But I love you, Maura. And the last year and a half or so of correspondence tested me – my insecurity, my jealousy, the unconditional nature of my affection.

And it _is_ unconditional, I realize. Thinking you loved Kel didn’t make me care any less for you. It didn’t send me into melancholy glooms or fits of rage. Certainly there were moments of weakness, where I worried that we would lose what we have. But we can’t lose that, Maura, because above all, you’ve become a friend. 

If you should choose Keladry over me – or any other man or woman – I’m sure I could recover in time. What’s love without loss? Granted, life would be a lot happier for me were that not to happen – I’ll be frank. I wish this war were completely over, and I had my shield and the freedom to go where I pleased. But that will happen one day, and when I’m a knight errant I assure you that there will be more time spent in Dunlath, where we can argue and jest and love to our hearts’ desires.

But now I must wake you, for it’s nearing dinner time, and if Douglass sees the grass stains on your dress and the smile I can’t erase from my face, I’m sure I’ll be thrashed.

Alan.


End file.
